Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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