I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize