So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
