How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
