She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
