The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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