Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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