Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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