I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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