Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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