Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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