I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
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I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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