I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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