my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
