just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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