hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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