My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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