is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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