just come out here and I will go home with you...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize