i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
