Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
thus making me awesome and them whores
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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