i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize