I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.