Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.