My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.