guess who came home with a hottie last night
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.