Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?