I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.