You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt