If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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