man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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