ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.