sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important