its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.