What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.