Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.