She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
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You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So vagazzling was a success