Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.