I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
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girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe