so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize