I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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