meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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