shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
