ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
