no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.