this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.