Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation