You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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