Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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