This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize