i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
