the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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