Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.