you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?