You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
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I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday