btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks