You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.