in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.