i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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