I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
