I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize