I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
this hospital has no fireball
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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