i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
