On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.