I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company