she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...