onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish i was in the wii world.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.