Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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