to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize