I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
