dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
