if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
