JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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